I’ve been struggling to learn Italian for almost 10 years. Ten. Years. That’s long enough to master a language, right? In theory, yes. In reality? Let’s just say I still have moments where I freeze mid-sentence, desperately searching for the right word, only to have my brain serve me… nothing.
At first, my motivation to learn Italian was simple: love. My boyfriend is Italian, and I wanted to speak his language, understand his family, and, let’s be honest, impress them a little. But fast forward to today – we live in Italy, we plan to stay, and speaking Italian isn’t just a nice skill to have anymore. It’s a necessity.
The thing is, I don’t struggle with grammar. In fact, I memorize it almost instantly. My problem is speaking. I understand at least 80% of what’s said around me, but when it’s my turn to talk, my vocabulary disappears into thin air. It’s like my brain shuts down under pressure. Add to that my natural shyness and a full-time job that leaves me drained by the end of the day, and well… you can guess how much progress I’ve made in actually using Italian.
So, why am I writing about this now? Because I know I’m not alone. Learning a language as an adult isn’t just about memorizing words – it’s about overcoming mental blocks, finding confidence, and figuring out how to fit it into an already packed life. And if you’re in a similar situation, maybe we can figure it out together.
My history with Italian
My journey with Italian started in a cozy university library in Aalborg, Denmark. Back then, my boyfriend was working on his Master’s thesis, and we spent entire days (and nights) there. It wasn’t just a place for studying – it had everything: kitchens, desks with whiteboards, and even sofas with TVs for when we needed a break. While he focused on his research, I sat next to him with my Italian study books, going through grammar exercises and memorizing vocabulary.
At some point, a few years later, I decided to take things more seriously. I found an Italian teacher and took lessons for six months. In that time, I moved from almost a complete beginner to A2 level, making solid progress. I was starting to feel more confident until my teacher decided to quit teaching and change careers. Just like that, my structured learning came to a halt.
After that, I tried to keep up by using mobile apps here and there, but I wasn’t dedicated. My progress slowed down, and without regular practice, I wasn’t improving. Then, we moved to Italy. Everyone says immersion is the best way to learn a language, so I thought, This is it! This will finally push me to fluency. Spoiler: it didn’t.
Yes, my comprehension improved. I reached a point where I understood most conversations happening around me. But when it was my turn to speak? My brain refused to cooperate. Words I knew disappeared the moment I needed them.
A few weeks ago, I even gave public language classes in Trieste a try, hoping they would help me fix my speaking issues. Instead, we spent hours reading texts (without even translating) or listening to the teacher tell us stories. There was barely any speaking involved, which, as you can imagine, didn’t help my problem at all.
Now, I know I need a different approach. My plan is to mix structured learning with actual speaking practice. I use Busuu for grammar, an AI app called Talkpal for conversation practice, and I’ve convinced my boyfriend to do short speaking sessions with me twice a week. The goal? To finally overcome the mental block that’s holding me back.
Am I fluent yet? No. Not even close. But at least now, I have a strategy that might finally work.
Living in Italy: Did it help?
Before moving to Italy, I thought living here would finally stop my struggles to learn Italian and push me toward fluency. After all, when you’re surrounded by a language every day, you’re bound to pick it up, right? Well… yes and no.
My understanding of Italian has improved significantly, but not because I actively speak it. It’s mostly due to passive exposure. I work in an Italian company, and while the official work language is English, my colleagues speak Italian all the time, except when addressing me directly or when I’m in a meeting. This means I spend most of my workdays hearing Italian, absorbing words and phrases, and getting used to the rhythm of the language. But listening is one thing. Speaking? A completely different story.
I don’t try to speak Italian at work because I don’t feel anywhere near ready for professional-level conversations. I don’t have a digital marketing vocabulary in Italian, and the last thing I want is to fumble through a sentence in a work setting. So, while I understand almost everything happening around me, I stay quiet.
Outside of work, the situation is similar. I mostly speak Italian with people who don’t know English – like my boyfriend’s family. They don’t switch to English, which should be helpful for my learning, but my shyness gets in the way. Instead of trying to speak, I usually just nod along or let my boyfriend translate what I’ve said from English to Italian.
In everyday situations – grocery stores, cafés, quick interactions – I avoid speaking in Italian whenever possible. If I know I’ll need to say something, I prepare a mental checklist of words and phrases in advance. This way, the conversation is already structured in my head, and I know exactly what to say. But if I find myself in an unexpected situation where I have to talk? I freeze. Instead of attempting Italian, I default to asking, Parla inglese? If the answer is no, I either fumble through the conversation or look for another solution.
At home, my boyfriend and I speak English – not because we have to, but because I want to. English is my favorite language, even more than my native Bulgarian. In fact, I barely use Bulgarian anymore, and my grammar in it has deteriorated. But as much as I love English, I also know that if I want to truly integrate into life in Italy, I have to break through this speaking barrier.
That’s why I’ve finally decided to change my approach but I’ll tell you more about that later.
What makes learning Italian difficult for me?
Italian isn’t a hard language – at least, not in the ways you might expect. Grammar? I get it. I can memorize verb conjugations almost instantly, and conjugation itself doesn’t bother me at all. Bulgarian works the same way. Everything is heavily conjugated, so I understand why it’s there and how it functions. But beyond that, things get tricky.
For me, and as I’ve already said, the biggest obstacle in my struggle to learn Italian is speaking. My brain and mouth don’t seem to work together when it comes to forming sentences in real time. I might understand 80% of a conversation, but the moment I need to respond, it’s like my vocabulary packs up and leaves.
One problem is thinking in English first. When I listen, I process Italian directly, but when I speak, my brain still defaults to English. Instead of just saying Posso avere un caffè? (Can I have a coffee?), I instinctively try to construct a sentence in English first, then translate it in my head. That tiny delay is enough to make me freeze, second-guess myself, or abandon the attempt altogether.
Then, there’s the issue of word retrieval. I know the words. I’ve studied them. I’ve seen them written down. But when I need them in conversation, they’re nowhere to be found. A simple sentence like Voglio prendere il treno alle nove (I want to take the train at nine) becomes a frustrating pause-fest because prendere suddenly disappears from my memory.
Another challenge is prepositions – and I hate them. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out when to use in, a, di, or da. I know there are rules, but they feel inconsistent, and I constantly second-guess myself. Also, I understand why verbs change, but prepositions? They feel like chaos. For example, I know you say Vado in Italia (I’m going to Italy), but Vado a Roma (I’m going to Rome). Why in for the country and a for the city? My brain refuses to accept it naturally, so every time I need to use a preposition, I freeze for a second, trying to remember the right one.
Pronunciation is another struggle, but not in the way most people expect. As a Bulgarian native speaker, I’m used to words packed with consonants and very few vowels. Italian, on the other hand, is full of open, vowel-heavy words that I find hard to pronounce loudly and clearly. When I try to say them, my voice feels like it’s not working properly, as if the words just don’t flow. And then, there are words with too many vowels mixed with L and R, like orologio (clock) and gioielleria (jewelry). I swear, no matter how many times I hear these words, my tongue refuses to cooperate when I try to say them out loud.
On top of all that, shyness makes everything worse. Even when I know a phrase, my natural instinct is to stay quiet rather than risk saying something wrong. And since I avoid speaking, I don’t get enough practice to improve. It’s a cycle I need to break.
The frustrating part? I know that fluency comes from making mistakes, but knowing that and actually pushing myself to speak are two very different things. That’s why my current focus isn’t learning more grammar or vocabulary. I already have enough of that. What I need is to actually use what I know, no matter how uncomfortable it feels.
The funny and frustrating moments
Learning a new language comes with a mix of small victories, embarrassing mistakes, and moments that make you want to laugh and cry at the same time. Italian has given me plenty of those.
One of the funniest (and slightly frustrating) moments happened with my boyfriend’s parents. I had rehearsed a simple question in my head before walking into the kitchen: “Hai delle forbici?” (Do you have scissors?). I repeated it out loud to make sure it sounded good. Confident that I had nailed the pronunciation, I went in and asked his mom. She stared at me, confused.
I tried again. Nothing.
I adjusted my tone and tried a third time. Still nothing.
At this point, I was questioning my entire existence. I had practiced this. I knew I was saying the right words. But after nearly ten attempts, his dad finally understood me, repeated the phrase with the correct pronunciation, and – just like that – everyone burst into laughter.
My boyfriend always tells me that pronunciation isn’t that important, that people will still understand me. But clearly, that theory crumbled when it took ten tries for a simple request.
Of course, not every misunderstanding ends in laughter. There have been plenty of moments where my hesitation or mental freeze made situations unnecessarily awkward. At a café, I once tried to order something but panicked halfway through, mumbled something incomprehensible, and ended up just pointing at the menu like a lost tourist. In the end, the waiter just smiled and switched to English, saving me from my own embarrassment.
Then there are the times when I think I’m saying something correctly, only to realize later that I completely messed it up. One time, I confidently said sono calda when I meant to say I was feeling hot from the weather. Except… sono calda actually means something quite different. It implies I’m feeling hot in a completely different way. My boyfriend was quick to correct me before I embarrassed myself in public, but that was a lesson I won’t forget.
The frustrating part is that these moments make me even more hesitant to speak. I don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t want to make a mistake that turns into an awkward situation. So, I play it safe. I stick to the words I know. And I avoid speaking unless absolutely necessary. But at the same time, these funny and awkward experiences are what make learning a language memorable.
One day, I’ll look back at all of this and laugh even more. But for now, I just hope my next request for scissors doesn’t turn into another ten-minute conversation.
What I’ve tried (and what actually works)
Over the years, I’ve tested almost every language-learning method you can think of – some worked for a while, others were a complete waste of time. But through trial and error, I’ve learned what helps me progress and what just doesn’t stick.
How it all started
I first started learning Italian with study books. At the time, I thought this was the best way to build a strong foundation. But after a couple of weeks, I also started using Duolingo since it was free, wasn’t as gamified as it is today, and had no annoying limitations. It was a good supplement to my studies and helped me build a basic vocabulary and grammar.
One-on-one lessons: the most effective approach (until it ended)
One of the most effective methods I’ve tried was one-on-one online lessons with an Italian teacher called Francesca. She always came prepared with a custom PowerPoint full of exercises and grammar explanations tailored to my level. At the start of each lesson, she made me speak for 5–10 minutes, describing something simple like the weather, my daily plans, or my hobbies – exactly the kind of structured speaking practice I needed.
These lessons helped me improve significantly, but unfortunately, they came to an abrupt stop when my teacher decided to change careers. I tried finding other teachers afterward, but I never quite clicked with any of them or felt comfortable enough to stick with the classes.
The many (many) apps I’ve tried
Duolingo worked for a while, but eventually, I wanted more control over what I was learning. That’s when I switched to Babbel, which let me focus on specific grammar topics and choose what to study. It was a big improvement over Duolingo’s rigid learning path.
Later, I tried Mondly, Falou, and EF Hello. Surprisingly, EF Hello was effective, but it had one big flaw – I couldn’t go back and practice previous material, which made it frustrating.
Right now, I’ve settled on Busuu, which I find to be the best of them all. It allows me to practice grammar, vocabulary, and structured lessons toward A2 or B1 certification. Plus, it offers an actual certificate at the end, which feels like a tangible goal.
But an app alone isn’t enough to fix my biggest problem – speaking. That’s why I’ve added Talkpal, an AI conversation app that lets me practice speaking Italian on any topic I choose. It’s still early, but I already feel a small boost in confidence.
Why I skipped TV and podcasts
A lot of people recommend watching TV shows or listening to podcasts for immersion, but I never really got into that. The thing is, I already get plenty of passive listening in my daily life. At work, my Italian colleagues speak in Italian all the time unless they’re talking directly to me. So, even though I don’t speak much at work, I’m constantly exposed to the language. I don’t feel the need to add even more passive listening outside of that.
Self-study books: a lost cause
Even though I started with study books, I’ve never been able to stick with them consistently over time. I would start strong, get distracted, and eventually stop. Unlike an app that tracks progress or gives a structured learning path, books require a level of self-discipline that I don’t seem to have when it comes to language learning.
What actually works for me
Now that I’ve figured out what doesn’t work, I’ve created a plan that actually fits my learning style.
- Busuu for grammar and structured lessons
- Talkpal for conversation practice
- Short, focused daily practice (10–15 minutes a day)
- Studying at the right time – early in the morning or before bed (I’ve noticed my memory is better during these times)
- Planning to practice speaking with my boyfriend twice a week
It’s still early, but after just a month of using Busuu and Talkpal consistently, I’ve noticed that words and sentences are sticking better in my mind. More importantly, I feel brave enough to attempt speaking more often.
The next goal: B1 and beyond
By the end of April, I want to get my B1 certificate from Busuu and start expanding my vocabulary on different topics, including words I could actually use in a professional setting. Speaking fluently is still a long way off, but for now, I’m finally on a path that feels like it might actually get me there.
Where I stand now (and my plans to improve)
At this point, I can handle simple conversations, understand most of what’s happening around me, and get through daily situations – if I have time to plan what I will say. But real fluency? I’m not there yet.
As I mentioned earlier, I still hesitate when speaking, and my mind often goes blank when I need to respond quickly. Even though I’ve made progress with structured learning, the gap between what I know and what I can say is still frustratingly big.
The long-term goal
I don’t need to sound like a native, but I want to be able to work in Italian and navigate life without second-guessing myself. That means:
- Handling bureaucracy on my own.
- Communicating confidently with doctors, service providers, and strangers.
- Expanding my vocabulary to cover everyday and professional situations.
It’s a long-term process, and I know it will take at least another year or two before I reach that level. But fluency isn’t just a dream; it’s a necessity if I want to fully integrate into life in Italy.
What needs to change?
- Speaking without preparation. Right now, I rely too much on mentally rehearsing sentences before saying them. Spontaneous conversations still feel overwhelming, and I need to work on responding naturally.
- Trusting my instincts. I overthink every little detail, especially prepositions, and end up hesitating instead of just going for it. Even if I make mistakes, I need to start trusting what sounds right.
- Expanding my comfort zone. I stick to safe, familiar phrases. But real fluency means being able to express thoughts more freely, even if it means stepping into unknown vocabulary territory.
The next phase: how I’m tackling it
Instead of just focusing on structured learning, I’m shifting toward real-life application:
- Spontaneous speech practice. No more rehearsing sentences in my head before speaking. I’ll start testing myself by answering questions or making small talk without overthinking.
- Full Italian days. Once a week, I’ll challenge myself to go a full day speaking only Italian (with my boyfriend or in daily interactions). It won’t be perfect, but it’ll push me to use what I know.
- Handling real-life tasks in Italian. Instead of defaulting to English when possible, I’ll actively take on more situations in Italian, whether it’s calling to make an appointment or handling paperwork.
- Aperitivo conversation nights. Since my boyfriend and I love having aperitivo at home, I’ll turn some of those nights into casual Italian practice. Over a spritz and some snacks, we can chat in Italian – no pressure, just natural conversation.
- Letting go of perfection. I’ll try to worry less about grammar and focus more on just getting the words out. The mistakes will fix themselves over time, but I won’t improve if I stay silent.
It’s not going to be easy, but fluency isn’t something that happens by accident. I just need to push through the discomfort, speak more, and remind myself that every awkward interaction is a step toward my goal.
In conclusion: it’s about the journey, not perfection
Learning Italian has been anything but a straightforward journey. I’ve tried different methods, made progress in some areas, and struggled in others, especially when it comes to speaking. After almost ten years, I still hesitate, overthink, and sometimes completely freeze in conversations. But despite the challenges, I know I’m not starting from zero. I have improved, even if fluency still feels far away.
What I’ve learned is that fluency isn’t just about grammar and vocabulary; it’s about confidence, persistence, consistency, and using the language in real life, mistakes and all. No matter how much I study, I won’t improve unless I push myself to actually speak.
Reaching my goal will take time. But I now have a strategy that works for me. One that focuses less on perfection and more on real-world practice. And while it’s still a long road ahead, I’m finally moving in the right direction.
If you’re also learning a language, I’d love to hear: what’s been your biggest challenge? Let me know at [email protected].